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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

"Be Still"

I've found that as I grow older time has continually seemed to be speeding up. When I was a child it felt like every moment was moving at snail speed. I always wanted to be older than I was. Saying things like "I can't wait to go to junior high!" or "I can't wait to be 16 and drive". Waiting for those ages as a child made time seem to stand still.

Now I understand why my parents always told me to slow down, don't wish your life away. Slow down because it eventually speeds up, slow down because you should cherish each and every memory. Life was so uncomplicated and easy.  When we are young we wish to be older and when we finally get there we wish to be young again. I can pinpoint exactly when days began to flash by at warp speed. It was the day my daughter was born. I feel like I blinked and she is now 18 months old. I want to freeze moments so I can savor them and take in every single detail. My heart aches when I think about how quickly she grows. How is it that when we actually want life to slow down it seems to do the opposite?

Why am I so sappy and sentimental? Other than the fact that I am always emotional, :D , well my family has experianced loss this year. I've mentioned before that my Papa passed away in January. Then Keven's grandmother passed in March. Well with a heavy heart I have to say that my Grandmother passed away two weeks ago. I can't express to you how I feel with these wonderful loved ones gone. I know everyone experiences loss and grief and sorrow. But that's what has gotten me thinking about how quickly life passes. It still doesn't seem real to me that I can't pick up the phone and speak to either of them. Maybe because they lived in Ohio and I was not able to travel there for the funerals. I don't have any form of closure, I haven't actually mourned yet so I know at some point I will hit that wall....

If I close my eyes I can still hear my Papa laugh, I can see my Grandmother smile at me...I can hold on to all of the beautiful things about them. But we all know it's not the same as them being here. I thank God that all of my family knows that I love them. I am blessed that I had strong relationships with them. But I am of course only human, so I miss Grandma and I miss Papa. I wanted them to meet my daughter, I wanted to hug them again and to be honest I just wanted more time...

"Be Still" by The Fray

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know that I am here
Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still, be still, and know

When darkness comes upon you
And covers you with fear and shame
Be still and know that I'm with you
And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed
And sleep no longer comes
Remember all the words I said
Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley
And the shadow comes down from the hill
If morning never comes to be
Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go
And lose where you came from
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know I am